The Debate

“But avoid foolish controversies and genealogies and arguments and quarrels about the law, because these are unprofitable and useless.  Warn a divisive person once and then warn him a second time.  After that, have nothing to do with him.  You may be sure that such a man is warped and sinful; he is self-condemned.”  Titus 3:9-11

 

Have you ever noticed that some people seem to be itching for a fight?  They like to argue, bicker, contest and dispute.  They are always looking for someone to set straight or give a piece of their mind.  For us peace-loving folks, being in relationship with someone like that can be very trying and even tiresome.

I would like to say that if you choose your companions carefully you can avoid a lot of these types of interactions, but the truth is that if you work in the public, you will deal with it.  If your kids play sports, you will run across these folks.  And yes, if you get active in a church, they will be there as well.

So what do we do with the people who seem to always want to “stir up something”?  We will get into more of the what-to-do’s tomorrow, but for now, let’s concentrate on the first part of the passage.  Avoid the controversy.  Well, there you go.  Avoid it.  Enough said.

Not so easily done though, right?  How do we avoid the arguing?  First of all, we do need to choose our friends, acquaintances and especially people we date, carefully.  (“An angry man stirs up dissension, and a hot-tempered one commit many sins.”  Proverbs 29:22.)  We tend to become like those with whom we spend a great deal of time, so choose your influences carefully.  Secondly, if they are a person that cannot be avoided (like say a boss or cousin) we must learn to avoid the initiation of an argument.  Many times people who like to fight are looking for an audience.  Do not be the audience.  If they start escalating, often a redirection will not be possible, but you can find a reason to need to finish a work project or go help out in the kitchen.  The Bible talks about agreeing with your adversary quickly.  If I am in an argument with someone who has a need to “win” and the issue does not matter, sometimes I will agree with the person just to diffuse the situation.  Does it really matter who is right about who starred in the movie?  If not, you can just say, “Maybe I am mistaken.” Or, “Ok, maybe you are right.”

Keep in mind that arguing for argument’s sake is useless and unprofitable.  Nothing good will come from it.  It is not time well-spent.  I once had a friend that life pressed me into being around them quite often.  They just loved to argue the Bible.  We were of different denominations and every time anything spiritual came up, this person would try to get me into a debate.  I must confess it drove them crazy that I would not participate. But truthfully, unless the person is in serious error which will lead to them missing heaven, is it really worth arguing over?  As believers, can’t we just rally around our commonalities rather than disputing whether or not one style of worship is better, what the gifts of the Spirit mean and how we govern our churches?  How do we even know that our interpretation is always correct and theirs is in error?

We will all find ourselves in situations where a controversy cannot be avoided.  We will have times that we cannot keep silent and we must address issues.  There will be times you cannot allow a person to keep propagating falsehoods.  But this passage, to me, speaks to an attitude.  Avoid being the person who just loves a good fight.  Avoid the need to get the last word in and to be assured you are right about everything.  It is OK to agree to disagree.  Recognize that sometimes differences of opinions have more to do with personality, life experiences and personal dealings of the Holy Spirit than right and wrong.

Dear Lord, help me to not be a divisive person.  Please show me when to speak and when to be silent.  Help me to operate in self-control and wisdom.  In Jesus’ Name.  Amen.

Sherri